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| Photos from Elaine and Bills' Sept 2011 |
That is the question I have been asking myself lately. I often compare my parenting tactics lately to training our puppy Mylo. "Praise the good behaviors, and ignore the bad" is the technique our puppy kindergarten trainer taught us.
The "terrible twos" seem to be kicking in.. early. Great. Testing my patients, tantrums, clingyness, strong resistances, won't hold my hand, suddenly goes deaf... you get the picture..
As Dyllan had a meltdown - face plant- lips smacked to the dirty floor at Big W - legs kicking- arms flailing... my natural reaction was to get mad.. but i refrained from that.. my next instinct was to go scoop her up- but I refrained from that too- instead I did just what the dog trainer taught us.. "ignore the bad behavior" So I stood there, calm on the outside - embarrassed and frantic on the inside- and watched her for a second. She looked up at me to see if I was going to react.. then screamed louder and began crying even harder.. so hard she turned bright red and couldn't breathe! I stood there for another few seconds (felt like long minutes!) telling myself "give her a few more seconds, then you can go over and get her..." And sure enough.. she picked herself up- and walked over to me- still sad and crying (for no reason!) - I stooped down to her level- and she gave me a big hug. Hmmm.. interesting.
This was the start to my revelation... I have been thinking about easy it is to "shh" her when she's whining.. or tell her "no", or brush her off or pick her up when she is clinging to my leg- not letting me get anything done.. that's my instinctual reaction.. BUT this week I have made a change.. no more "shhh" - no more pawning her off to her toys.. this week I will ignore her winy attempts for attention- and give her praise and attention when she is being good- playing quietly, eating her meals, not fussing, holding my hand when we are out, listening, and overall being a happy little girl.
Although she has been sick with a cold- and has been extra needy, clingy and fussy- this tactic has TOTALLY worked. In fact- as we speak- she is playing with her toys- and singing to herself... and I am actually able to write this blog! Uninterrupted. All I have to do - is peek my head around the corner- every few minutes- and say in the best dog trainers voice
"Gooooooooooooooood Giiiiiiiiiiirrrrllllll!!" She looks up- smiles, and goes back to playing- er in this case.. tearing off toilet paper- sheet by sheet- lifting the lid and putting it in the toilet then shutting the lid.. again and again.
Just like Mylo- when she barks - or fusses- I turn my head and ignore the behavior... and funny enough.. off she goes.. onto something more interesting. (This isn't to say I do this all day long- trust me.. she has the majority of my attention and interaction most of the time- but I have to get things done too- and they don't always cater to her - unlike when I nannied)
It isn't coming totally natural, yet. But this new strategy has already helped - A LOT.. so I think I will keep trying it.
After all- if your favorite person came rushing to you WITH your favorite treat - every time you cried... wouldn't you cry too??
While we are on the topic of Dyllan Bug- she had a doctor appointment today. The doctor at our new local clinic was awesome ! (The first decent doctor we have seen since we got to Australia)- He really cared about Dyllan- her history- her well being- and didn't rush us out of his office at all. Dyllan is doing great- although he wanted to monitor her rattly chest (which is most likely due to her cold)- but he said she is doing just fine. Today- at
21 months- Dyllan weighs 10.9 kg and is 83 cm tall- which makes her at the 25th percentile for weight and 50th percentile for height- according to the Australian scale (wonder if the American scale would be much different?!)
